Except it isn't! There's a link on the page just under that statement which invites feedback. Thinking I could at least let off some steam, I followed the link, submitted a few rude comments and was surprised to arrive at a screen saying welcome to the Companies House website. Not everything they advertised worked, but most of the links were active.

First thing I get is a phone call (costing, what, £1.50 to the Council - a back office worker, not a contact centre). Thank you for your letter. We'll put it in the pending file and when we get to the date it mentions, we'll process it.

I see.

Then I get a business rates notification for the period starting April 1st. No overlap at all. Nor any cross-reference with the person who phoned me, obviously. Cost - probably another 50p or so.

At least I get the reminder that I should be cancelling my Direct Debit Just In Case - they might forget about my letter, mightn't they?

So I get a letter saying "We notice that you've cancelled your direct debit. It may be that you're moving, in which case please send us the following information:" - followed by an accurate description of the contents of the letter I’d already sent them, that they had on file, which they were not going to read until after I’d moved. Cost - let’s be charitable and call it another 50p.

You’ve guessed. I have to phone them (another £1.50) to tell them about the letter I sent them and explain that, no, I won’t be sending another one.

But we have to do it this way - it is a standard procedure.

Postscript: a bundle of specially printed paying-in slips for me to not use when I don't pay the council tax that I don't owe.

First time I got referred to another helpline, or rather to a number that didn't work. Second time around, the agent transferred me to a third agent. I still don't know what the correct number is.

The third agent took my name, address, PAYE reference, Accounts Office reference (which is on the yellow paying-in book, as the web-site said and consists of three digits, two alphas, six digits) and then said "What you have to do is add two zeroes between the alphas and the last six digits of the accounts office reference."

I see, said I - so following the instructions on screen doesn't work. Is this being fixed or am I the first person to have this problem?

"You are not the first."

So, I asked - how long has this problem been known about?

"I'm not able to disclose that information."

OK, let's put it this way - do you often get calls from people who can't register?

"I'm not able to disclose that information either."

So, there's a problem with ...

"I didn't say there is a problem. There isn't a problem. The system is fine. The PAYE people put the extra digits in when they entered your reference code."

I see.

On a related subject:
"Government, political and public services websites are relatively large, approximately equal in size with the average UK FTSE 100 corporate website. The average UK corporate website when tested by B2W had 85 errors; the government average was 600 - nearly 7 times as many. The number of site warnings was also significantly higher, and (the) server was slower." - Business2www report (Website tests and ranking for the Major UK Central Govt. Websites, April 2003).

1. You are using consultancy jargon instead of real words.
2. You spend all your time in meetings.
3. You picked the cheapest project advisors.
4. Your project has a substantial IT component.
5. You think of the planning department as your enemy.
6. It has not been done before.
7. You claim the project will pay for itself.
8. It has been more than two years since you started.
9. You are doing the project alongside your old day job.
10. You are not sure who is in charge,
11. You are the only person left from the original team.
12. The project plan is in your head.
13. You can't explain why you are doing it.
14. You can't name more than three potential bidders before you go to market.
15. You have no idea of the likely cost of the project to the organisation.
16. Your chief executive doesn't know who you are.
17. You face a lot of opposition to what you are doing.
18. You are re-launching the project (again).

Thanks to Roger Wilson for the reminder!

• 18% of surveyed call centres could not provide any information on their costs.
• For the 73 call centres which measured both their costs and the average length of calls
  • 44 had a cost per call minute of less than £1
  • 26 a cost of between £1-£5
  • three had a cost per call minute of more than £5 including Equality Direct at £27.50, and the Electronic Integrated Arable Compensation Scheme Help Desk with a cost per call minute of £23.00
• The comparable figure for the call centre industry as a whole ranges from 40 pence to 60 pence per call minute.

Read the detailed report for more on setting realistic performance targets and what constitutes good (or even excellent) service! (http://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa
/cm200203/cmselect/cmpubacc/373/37305.htm)

Thank you to Dave Charles of Devon County Council for finding the reference.

What the world would look like if it were reduced to a village of 1,000 people?

• There would be 584 Asians, 124 Africans, 136 North and South Americans, 95 Eastern/Western Europeans, 55 Russians.
• 520 would be female, 480 would be male.
• 330 would be children.
• 650 would lack a telephone at home. 500 would never have used a telephone. 500 would have to walk two hours to the nearest telephone.
• 335 would be illiterate. 333 would lack access to safe, clean drinking water.
• 70 would own automobiles.
• 10 would have a college degree.
• 1 would own a computer.

- taken from an EC newsletter of 1999. Thanks to Srba Cvetkovic of Vodaphone for reminding me of this one!